‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Bay Street
The brokers and traders had put up their feet
They hung up no stockings, ’cause their only real goal
Is to make sure that Flaherty gets a large chunk of coal

In Cowtown, the oilmen met near Bankers Hall
(Beats fighting the crowd at Chinook Centre mall)
They set up a bonfire, instead of a tree
So they could burn the poor minister in effigy

Then outside the door there arose such a clatter,
I woke from my slumber to see what was the matter
So loud was the noise, I could only assume
That Xstrata’s Big Mick had burst into the room

For a moment I thought, as I peered through the glass
That I spotted Ted Rogers, with a bag full of cash
Though we worry how much he will spend on the Jays
He’s got a good plan: “Cable fees will be raised!”

But the man with the sack wasn’t Ted, Jim or Mick
I knew, soon enough, that it must be St. Nick.
He climbed in the sleigh, one more check of his list
(Anyone bet Flaherty’s house will be missed?)

“Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!
Head eastward, then north, to the home of Gord Nixon!”
Though why he needs toys is not plain to see
Doesn’t Royal Bank’s stock price defy gravity?

Some gifts are simple, and obvious too
Like Inco’s new owners — that Brazilian crew
They will get parkas, ’cause they weren’t ever told
That winter in Sudbury could be so damn cold!

Or consider John Sleeman — he’s easy to please:
“I need books and tapes, Santa, to learn Japanese”
And Heather and Gerry, they cannot complain
She’ll receive lots of books, and he’ll get some airplanes

For others, it’s harder — how can Santa delight
A child whose year has already been bright?
Take Gluskin and Sheff, the two boys with the grins
Who are lolling in money from their IPO wins

Or Jim, from RIM, which has had a great run
(Though the stock options probe just might spoil the fun)
He’s lucky and rich, but he’s got one more scheme
“Santa,” he said, “I still want my own team.”

Some gifts are so big, even St. Nick has no say
A new job for Pannell? Respect for PK?
Mike Z has a wish — get Nortel out of trouble
“Sorry,” said Santa, “I can’t bring back the bubble”

The elves are confused (they’re a little bit dumb)
About why Eric Sprott asked for uranium
When Michael MacMillan sent his own wishful pitch
“Forget it, big fella — you’re already too rich.”

Munk’s an old geezer, but not without wants
NovaGold, say, or even Newmont?
The TSX boss craves the biggest of all
“Please,” he begged Santa, “can’t I have Montreal?”

Santa gave a big sigh, then leapt to his feet
“They sure are demanding, this bunch from Bay Street
“But as for ol’ Flaherty, he can go and pound sand
“Thanks to his trust tax, I just lost fifty grand!”